Is Bitching The New Female Bonding…

Do you have a female friend who seems to only connect when they’re moaning about how bad their life is?  It could be killing your friendship.

A few years ago, I became super tight with a woman at work.  We spoke every day, spent nearly every weekend together and pretty much shared everything.  It was peachy except for one thing.  When we were together, all we did was complain.  We clung on to each other, not for support, more for the comfort of commiseration.  A problem shared is a problem halved,  or is it?

Bonding over negatives may be one way to connect, but it sure isn’t healthy.  Excessively talking about problems with fellow drama queens is so common in fact that researchers have given it a name: “co-rumination” and it can have some really nasty consequences.

Studies done by the University of Missouri-Columbia have found that bitching about life only exacerbates problems, and contributes to anxiety and depression.  Also being this immersed in conversations with female friends about what you see as missing in your life can stunt other relationships, career aspirations and self-confidence.

Co-rumination it appears is often centered on things like boyfriend trouble, office politics, and frequently body issues like being overweight.  And there is no denying that when women get together, the conversation degenerates into talking about who’s skimpy shorts don’t fit anymore.  In some circles, “fat chat” is not only talk it’s a requirement.

Women are likely to engage in behavior that mirrors their other female friends. It’s a way of fitting in and being accepted.  And in these situations, it’s misery that becomes the bonding experience.  It’s also how women have been taught to interact. We have been raised to commiserate over negatives and to be wary of women who look good and feel great about themselves.  She somehow is the enemy and represents competition not friendship material.

More often than not, a friendship that is built on drama or negativity is simply not sustainable – the connection may only last for as long as both friends are willing to play at being victims in their lives.  Say, if female friends commiserate over being overweight, it will soothe them and make them feel that they are in it together, but once one of them drops five kilos or so, it becomes another story.  Jealousy, and a sense of betrayal are some of the feelings that can surface when a friend is seen as no longer being a part of the “suffering crowd.”

No-one should ever turn their back on a friend in need.  Expressing hurt, fear, anger, disappointment is natural and necessary at times.  However, when there is little else going on in this relationship, then there is a problem.

There are some very simple steps that counter negative talk and promote healthy friendships -

• Redirect the conversation and keep the mood light and positive.  Compliment your friends.
• Focus on yourself and your own health rather than comparing yourself and your life to that of your friends.
• Encourage your friends to make healthier life choices.
• Say something positive about yourself and your friends instead of saying something negative.

Don’t waste time and energy on negativity. Have realistic standards and positive attitudes towards yourself and get out there and enjoy your life!

Warmly,

Michelle Munnich

7 Helpful Secrets For Easily Keeping the Magic of Love Alive in Your Relationship

Whether you are wanting to attract a boyfriend or girlfriend, or are already in a committed relationship, there are some very simple tenets for having a satisfying love relationship.

Being realistic about what you want in a potential partner or in your present partner is essential. Each person is unique and a love relationship is a blending of two people, not a band-aid for trying to patch up each others shortcomings.

There is one tough fact about love relationships that one must bear in mind – They are unconditional. This simply means that you are the only person who is going to make yourself happy. Expecting that your girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife is going to fill all your emotional needs is a rather far fetched ideal and will not stand up in real life.

The best relationships are ones that build a deep connection between you both and where you are both accepted as the unique individuals that you are. And remember that love relationships are a work in progress!

Here are some things that you can do to keep the passion alive in your love relationship:

- Be kind to each other. Harshness and thoughtlessness undermine the relationship.
- Do not expect your partner to be perfect. You’re not.
- Laugh together.
- Surprise each other.
- Experience new things together for growth and bonding.
- Be playful.
- Strive to be the person you would want for a partner.

Keep the magic alive with these simple tips and you’ll see that your girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife only has eyes for you.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shelle_Belle

Warmly,

Michelle Munnich

Spiritual Entrepreneur.